Step 1: Contemplation

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I’ve been in the position of deciding to banish my smoking habit in the past. Quite frankly, I’ve been here many, many, many times. But I’ve always gone back to cigarettes. So, what makes quitting this time any different? I can’t know that until I’m looking back years from now and saying, “Wow, I really quit!” But at the very least, I’m serious and I’m quitting for me, rather than out of pressure from the outside world. Based on the variety of self-help books, internet reading, and numerous smoking cessation courses I’ve taken over the years, the odds of success are on my side. Because, for every time I attempt to quit, I’m one step closer to quitting for good. According to my gathered research over the recent months, I’ve already begun the first step: contemplation.

In this preliminary step of contemplation, I can list all the reasons why as a 33-year old female I should quit. (Note to any current smokers reading this: I will not preach the blah, blah, blah of what it does to your health because I’m sure you’ve already heard it from your doctors 60,000 times—plus one! Note to those that have never smoked: these reasons may be obvious—and smokers are well aware of the negatives—but there’s an acceptance within a smoker who sees the reality of their own list in black and white. Not to mention, a serious list can be a great tool to refer back to as a reminder for why a smoker chose to quit when the nicotine withdrawals are making a smoker loopy!). So here are my personal reasons for wanting to quit smoking:

• I can enjoy a movie at the theater without being distracted by “nic fits”
• I can enter a room before people smell me approaching.
• I don’t have to do the prep work of disguising my habit from a potential employer before an interview or deal with the walk-of-shame for an office smoke-break.
• I can have spontaneous kisses from my boyfriend (an ex-smoker for many years) without doing the hand-washing, teeth brushing, several Tic-Tacs and still worrying if I taste like an ashtray.
• I can avoid having the face of my grandmother when I’m 40.
• I can avoid dying from a traveling blood clot while I’m on my birth control pills. (Ok, so I mentioned a health issue, but I’m nearing the age-threshold when my risk more than doubles. And I still want my reproductive freedom and independence.)
• I can end the feelings of shame when greeted by my boyfriend’s two, susceptible daughters after having returned from smoking outside.
• I can save money that would otherwise go to cigarettes, Altoids, hand-sanitizer, air freshener, and having my ash-littered car professionally vacuumed.
• I can stop sticking out among a group of people after a ghastly, hacking cough.
• I won’t be the one that sneaks away at parties to get in a quick smoke and return to hearing, “Where’s Catherine?”
• If the time ever comes, I don’t want to be the bride on My Big Redneck Wedding.
• I can enjoy the subtleness of my perfume (and avoid the realm of offensiveness!).
• I can quit checking my purse every single time I get ready to pull out of my garage to see if I grabbed my cigarettes.
• I can hear my boyfriend compliment me on the way my hair smells.
• No more burnt couches, carpets, clothes, and even stove tops (yeah, I couldn’t find a lighter!).
• I won’t have to cover wrapped gifts and cards with plastic bags to prevent smoke penetration before I get the chance to deliver them to family and friends.
• I don’t want to die a slow and very painful death from cancer or see my loved ones resentfully say goodbye too soon. (Yes, that, too, was necessary to mention.)
  

That’s my list and the reasons that I have digested during my own contemplation phase. But, these are just reasons (and, God-willing, my eventual rewards). And, as amazing as these motivators can be, they are not enough to make me quit. For, the real and bottom-line, hard fact that I haven’t permanently quit is for one reason and one reason alone—nicotine withdrawal is just plain hellacious!

As many people already know, physical withdrawal from nicotine is very real. From my own experience—as little ago as Christmas 2008 when I quit for seven days—I experienced extreme fatigue, an inability to concentrate, foggy perception, irritability, and extreme anxiety. And just as the physical withdrawal began to subside by the fourth day, the psychological component became more prominent as I seemed to experience almost a sense of mourning for the loss of my habit. And reminders of my “sidekick” (thus, prompting the “nic fits”) were everywhere from the sound of my alarm clock, to drinking my morning coffee, to just wanting to sit and have long chats with my family. I was now at a point in time when I wondered how would I ever get by without the crutch of my nicotine sidekick?

So what was my downfall that returned me to smoking? It was returning home from my Christmas vacation unprepared for the lifestyle adjustments necessary to combat the habits that triggered my cravings. Just when I thought I had armed myself with the support of my mom (an ex-smoker for many years) and also avoided many of the lifestyle triggers—because I was away from home—I hadn’t properly prepared myself to tackle the triggers of life once I did return home.

I will be quitting at home this time, so the next step and the content of my next blog: Creating a game plan to tackle the withdrawal and cravings when I do quit. And those triggers will happen!